S.A. IDOLS III

There is only one word to describe SA Idols.
BLAND.
B.L.A.N.D..
BLLLLAAAAANNNNDDDDD.
ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The first five minutes is watchable. Impressionable. Half an hour later, I start to wonder if there is a Cape Town singing academy or something....

Singing styles - constant.
Vocal range - constant.
Song choices - constant.

The auditions are just so.... BLAND. It is like... one in every 20 (or maybe 30?) contestant is entertaining (but sings like he/she is strangling a chicken). Most of the contestants lack personality, lack zest, lack dress sense (oh yes... their dressing is so darn boring. A wardrobe designer is required... DESPERATELY), lack stage presence, lack the 'umph' factor..... the only thing that most of them have in common is this huge voice that they belch and overdo that R&B-meet-Mariah Carey-meet-Whitney Houston-meet-Celine Dion eeeee-ooohhhh-ahhhhh thing.

Simply, they can't captivate.

Don't mistaken.
Alot of them do have fabulous vocals but just that stale singing styles....
Overdose overdose.
I actually feel sorry for the judges.
OD-ing on Idols is straight-road to constipation.

Ducolax?
Senax?
Brooklax?

Honestly, I have never been an idols fan. I missed America Idol and Singapore Idol so watching SA Idol (the 3rd installment, missed the first two) is something quite new for me. Channel 37 on DSTV started full repeat coverage of Idols III on Sunday and with the lacklustre performances from the contestants, I've become hooked on one judge in particular - RANDALL.

He is such a bitch! I like! I really like! He doesn't say much SOMETIMES. I have a sneaky suspicion that after being labelled the 'evil' one of the judges, he attempts to withold his blabs and replaces it with smirks and contorted facial expressions that one could see the invisible bubble above his head. He possesses this crisp sense of sarcasm coupled with caustic humour which is heck of a potent combination. He is the only reason why I am still watching Idols.

I admit it.

I am now shamelessly watching Idols just for Randall, and a little for Gareth too. The two of them are quite a nice combination. Gareth is more verbal vomit (understandable... he's a Radio DJ) and contrary to the stereotypical perception of radio DJs, he is presentable in appearance. Ok ok.... I'm a slut. I look at the men. A mind of a man to the likes of Randall makes me tick. Unfortunately, there aren't enough of such men around.

I wonder how the Port Elizabeth and Durban audition is going to be like. Somehow, I think Durban, I think Indians. I wonder if there will be a mob of Indians auditioning. "Yooouuu.... pick the cotton and Iiii... do the t-shirts..... TOGETHER.... WEeee... can wholesale...." - Russell Peters.

Hokay... some dude numbered 1551 is singing so badly out of tune right now.
Ouch ouch ouch.

Oh gosh... time to switch channels.....