CHOOEY - THE LOVE ADVISOR?

"Tell me what should I do? I really like this girl..." blah blah blah.

I didn't know if I should choke or should I puke.

Me? A Luuurrrrvvveeeee advisor?

You must be joking!

To start with, I've already stopped counting the number of years I've NOT dated so no, I have no idea what the do's and don'ts in this respect. This means, I'm furthest away from the most likely person to remotely discuss about the "10 things to get a guy", lest a girl!

Common knowledge : I have a severe lack of female friends.

So noooo.... I do not understand the female mind at all. I have always made it known that I am absolutely terrified of all other female breeds other those few good friends. And most of all, I am a likely male borned in a female body so errrr... please ask some other females more qualified for the job.

As much as I was ready to choke and puke, the question did bring a smile to my face. Those were the days when I played Aunty Agony. That used to amuse me. It is similar to the psychiatrist-patient syndrome. The psychiatrist is the 'theoretical' advisor. The patient is the sufferer. So nevermind that the psychiatrist may not have experienced the traumas or emotional disturbance of the patience, he/she gets paid for offering advises and "emotional support" to the sufferer.

And that was how it was like for me. Friends used to ask Aunt Agony here for advise even though at that point, I was the ONLY one who had yet to date. Funny but true. I spent my teenage days giving "love advise" despite being the only one of the clan NOT to have experienced the traumas of a relationship.

Then came the 20-something phase where puppy love became a dated thing as people started maturing into the next 'matured' phase of relationship. More often than not, by this time, they have already become over-experienced in the pick-and-dump game there was hardly a need to do the love advise thing.

Love advise became more of a pratical slap to the face from Chooey thing. Heart broken? Find Chooey and she will tell you to get a life. Annoyed with the girlfriend and Chooey will you to dump her. Feeling love sick and Chooey tells you to stop acting like a girl. I am no love advisor. I am more the "if-you-feel-like-you-are-in-need-of-a-verbal-bashing/abuse" type advisor.

Cry and the world cries with you is nothing but a whole lot of bullshit.

Anyway, I relented and attempted to give some quirky love advise. Never mind all my erms and errs whilst trying to figure out what to say. Correct me if I'm wrong but there are basically 4 tactics of getting a girl (so I've heard) and/or figuring out if she likes you (like how the heck will I know this one?) -

1. Modern day technology - MSN and SMS. I heard these two are the most popular method now.
2. Just grab the girl's hands! If she reacts, good for you. If not, too bad.
3. Go all the way..... (my most likely advise just for the sake of being cheeky. But just don't dump the girl the morning after)
4. Good old fashion romance. And I mean the old-fashion method. I think with today's modern tech tactics, old fashion thing can be sweet, no? Similar context with art and design. We are losing touch with conventional illustration methods that seeing something non-CAD actually triggers the 'Wow' factor.

But then again, what do I know?
This is just me ATTEMPTING to do female psychology.
My guess is that girls (even the sluts) are all suckers for #4.

Am I right?

Anyhow, bravo to my friend for actually executing #4.
I am not going to go into details of the mushy tactic conjured.

Result : Apparently, it left a lasting smile on her face and yes, someone's got a new girlfriend.

Congratulations to him.

Bottomline is, Chooey the love advisor?
How bizarre.