BABIES, GOLF & DENIMS

"Let me tell you a little secret....", Natalie whispered through the phone.

"What? What?", I replied with all enthusiasm I could muster.

"Today is Tanya's last day at work. She's going off to have a baby tomorrow."


Ladies and gentlemen, my pathetic 27 3/4 year old life is now officially sealed with one thing and only one thing - BABY-F***ING-BOOM. That came out abit harsh, didn't it? Let me try to tone that down a teeny tiny bit..... Baby Boom - Awwwww.... How shweeeettttttt. Sense me choking there?

It is not just a Singapore syndrome. It is a SA syndrome too. I am sure that whilst the two head of states were negotiating tourism coalitions, they MUST have secretly signed a conspiracy treaty in concurrence that both countries shall have baby boom in year 2005.

Done deal.

Visa-waiver between both countries stamped, and guess who's Singaporean and living in the RSA this bloody year?

Oh! Oh! I know!
Chooey!!
Yay yay!
Where are the rah-rah teams?

It's not just Tanya who is "off to have a baby". There are quite a few more who already had gone through that painful virgina-expanding delivery. As I always say, I know that this is the "coming of age" phase but could God have toned down his humour a little more? I need more purple fingers and toes to keep track. And again, as I always declare, apart from yours truly, seems like the entire world is either getting married or having/have a baby.

There's only 2 options I could wish for -
a) Rewind my life and go back in time to become a student again;
b) Fast forward my life and skip this phase altogether.

Reality : Neither options exist.

So since Aunty Snuffy here can't (note: NOT won't - CAN'T) join in the baby race - who, by the way, received a real nice complimentary remark from her boss (whose 45 year old wife is ALSO pregnant) yesterday, "This is about the age that people get married and then have kids. It is normal. You are just... very late. Tell you what? When my wife gives birth, why don't you a picture of my kid, put it on the web and say that it's yours?" - shall continue to indulge in her no-regrets vagabond lifestyle.

In case you're wondering what my reply to my boss was.... "You know, I always wanted to bring home (Singapore) a little black kid and proclaim it my illegitimate child."

I gave my boss a big smirk and continued eating my food. He burst out into a fit of laughter as he started to visualise the fainting-act of our yellow-skin type when they see a ching girl with a black kid. But now that I have revealed my prank, I need to conjour up a new plan.

**************************

0918 hours
I'm suppose to be on the N1 one, heading for Bloemfontein. I should have covered at least a 100km but what am I do? 50 metres from my bedroom, sitting at my desk, clicking away furiously on the keyboard.... about babies. I am dreading the long drive so pretty much trying to procrastinate for as long as I can before starting my journey. Just as long as I get into the factory after lunch..... which means I'll probably be busy bribing traffic cops off again.

I'm hoping that I can escape going back to the factory. I am certain they are ready to kill me. Little Missy had happy plans to come Johannesburg this weekend but due to some last minute urgent order for an account we've been trying to secure for the longest time, the boss (his uncle) cajoled him to cancel his frivilous plans and rush out the necessary samples.

So this means that....
Whoever is involved in making the samples......
Oops! No weekend.

And hell was I merciful to Little Missy about his cancelled plans.

"YOU.... go do the samples and I.... go play golf!"

Yes siree! The only motivation that I have about my arduous O.W.S. (not O.W.L.... too much Harreh Pot-err for you) drive back to Bloem is the prospect of playing golf this weekend - FINALLY! I know I'll be playing shit. I'm starting to play some nonsense like never before. So I'm just hoping that I'll suddenly remember the "do's" and forget the "don'ts", and somehow play an amazing game. Wishful thinking. Ha!

Golf, becoming such an important part of my hermit life, is changing my once light-traveller-philosophy of packing. Rather than just throwing in a couple of tees and my necessary toiletries, I realized whilst packing earlier this morning that my packing list has extended.

Must remember to pack :
Golf clothes
After golf clothes
Golf shoes
Extra socks
Golf balls
Tees
Towel
Golf clubs (which isn't a concern coz that is lying permanently in the car...)

Talk about a change in lifestyle! My packing philosophy used to be really straightforward - nevermind if I forget to pack everything else, MUST HAVE excess of underwear. I'm serious! That IS my packing philosophy. So I'm usually done in like 5 minutes.

But today, I started to worry about forgetting,.... forgetting something golf-related. But being me, I am sure I have forgotten something elementary and curse myself tomorrow.

Anyhow.... 8 minutes to 10. I'd better start my drive now otherwise I'll be broke from all that bribery.

Before I disappear for the weekend, be disturbingly cut-off from the internet and be yearning for my shower (my friend's place does not have a shower, only bath), I shall exhibit my warehouse of jeans! Ha! So if you ever wondered why is this mad woman is so sick of looking at denims...... here's why - AND MIND YOU.... this is AFTER sending 4 cartons worth of unwanted jean samples (tightly packed) back to the factory.

::: TWO WARDROBES FULL OF JEANS :::


::: CARTONS AND MORE CARTONS :::

And this.... is my home-office and that IS the problem. I have to face these hideous jeans, live amongst boxes everyday.... for the last year... and still counting.

So that's my life!
No babies.
Just denims and more denims, boxes and more boxes

1007 hours - Yikes! I so have to go!!!! Wish me luck that I won't give up golf after this weekend.... AND NO TRAFFIC COPS!

Toodles!
Till Monday.....