It is official.
The employee has reinstated herself as the evil witch of Gauteng.
Her finger nails are pretty short at the moment though but perhaps her hideous toe nails can qualify.
The employee can hear Celine Dion's (who actually looks like a witch) "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" screeching away in my head. Another cause for constipation she is sure. But then again, she is not sure if her spastic bowel (or spastic colon as the doc call it) is caused by bad crooners OR those repulsive things she had strewn all over her apartment out of anger....
The Courier Guy and The Employee
0800 hours : Courier guy was early today. The employee loves meeting the courier guy first thing in the morning. It always amuses her how her relationship with the courier guys resembles a script off an Art movie.... first it was this skinny pimpled-face left-handed guy. She got used to seeing him almost everyday (when she is actually in town long enough) and that friendly face that greeted her every morning when she opened the door to receive her package. Now and again as the employee organises her overcrammed cupboard of jean samples, she would pick a pair and give it to him. This quirky relationship came to an end eight months later... when a new courier guy replaced him whilst he went on to service another area in Johannesburg.
The employee was taken aback initially when she started seeing this new face. Change is a funny thing. Even when it comes to unrelated people. It is strange how a five minute 'hi, how are you? have a nice day!' sort of daily acquaintance does creep up on you. You get used to that one face. And you expect to see that one face. And when you don't see that one face, you get thrown off balance.
Humans.
Strange creatures.
So now, there's Mr New Guy. This new guy is a contrast to the other one. He is bigger in stature, more brazen and a more to-the-face sort of character. The one trait which they have in common, which the employee truly appreciates, their ever-ready big smile each morning as they deliver her package.
Courier Guy (with a huge grin on his face): "Hey! You wake up early! I thought you would still be sleeping!"
Bubble above employee head : "And so does the rest of the society."
Employee (as she squinted at that small packet he was carrying) : "Uhuh..."
As usual, the employee signed on the courier chit and left it to the courier guy to fill in the time and date. It is common knowledge with the courier guy by now that a) the employee never knows the date; b) the employee never knows the time; and c) on rare occasion does the employee wears her watch. It is a recurring joke between them when it comes to date and time. The one time that the employee knew the time, the courier guy guffawed and announced, "You ACTUALLY remember to wear your watch today!".
Not to be outdone, the employee replied, "And you STILL refuse to provide me a pen to sign for these things."
And so, that's how a face becomes a passing figure in the employee's life.
Yell yell yell yell yell.....
Daily Lung Exercise is Good for Health
The employee nervously ripped open the package.
FINALLY!
First signs of her overdue samples....
"Please God.... no heart attacks. Please please please please please..... "
The employee held her breath as she opened up the first style.
Style execution good but the wash and the overall appearance....
Good god!
She threw the first sample on the floor and saw the second sample.
What the fuck is up with those back pockets!
Proportion, the profile stitch...
Everything looked so... WRONG!
She opened up the jean and she was ready to vomit.
It was NOTHING like she expected nor instructed.
She looked at the time.
0830 hours.
Fine.
Still early.
She decided to spare Lil' Missy from an early morning verbal bashing. She was going to consolidate her energy and do her lung exercise AFTER receiving the nationwide-trotted package. THE package that was suppose to arrive yesterday but miraculously ended up in Cape Town instead. Oh darrrrllliiinnnggggg..... shit like that happens you know. Packages end up travelling over a thousand kilometres from Bloemfontein to Cape Town, then oops! Wrong destination. Then re-direct to the correct destination to Johannesburg. No worries! Just another thousand plus kilometres away and a day delay. And... vice versa.
So yeah, like that shocked her.
But what do you know? Lil' Missy found his own doom instead. He called the employee to enquire about an order. You see, factories have an amazing way of doing absolutely retarded things beyond your wildest imagination. And then, guess who has to pick up the before, during and after-shit effect? This is the side of the retail/fashion industry that people outside the industry fail to see. Shit-sweeper IS the main job title.
Emp : "I've called the buyer but the sample has been forwarded to the marketing department. So UNTIL the sample has been located and I can talk to them about it, THEN I can give you an answer. Remember... you guys didn't give me a keep sample."
LM : "But I thought we sent it to you on Friday?"
Emp (in a biting tone) : "You mean in that package that ended up in Cape Town?"
LM (sheepishly) : "Oh yah...."
Anyway, since Lil' Missy was already on the line, the employee embarked on her first bout of lung exercise.
"Have you seen those back pockets? Look at the original sample and look at my technical sketch! Can you see the PROPORTION in comparison to this weird looking thing you guys have done for me? I have two twin towers staring at me!"
The employee mercilessly indulged in a yelling spree and pointed out every aspect that was wrong with the samples - which was pretty much EVERYTHING.
Then the intercom buzzed.
"Delivery!", shouted the voice over the intercom.
How timely! The other package has arrived. Now the employee can ungraciously complete her morning lung exercise.
While the employee ripped open the box, she softened and said to Lil' Missy in a subdued voice, "I really don't know what to do with these samples. My meeting is on Friday, we do not have enough time to re-make these samples and this was my last hope of fighting back to get back the business... I'm sure your uncle must have told you about it... "
LM : "Yes he told me."
Emp : "So tell me how am I suppose to go present these awful looking clothes?"
Silence.
And then, the employee caught first sight of the samples in the box.
Back to lung exercise..... with a vengeance.
It was a personal dilemma.
The employee could not decide between arson, murder or suicide.
But she had a bigger problem in hand.
How is she suppose to present these atrocious samples on Friday?
She has no idea.
Actually, she does.
She has to swallow whatever pathetic pride there is left in her and once again, do the heroic non-chalant act and start making cock-and-bull stories to protect - not herself -the factory.
Just for the record....
She has extended her zilch Spider Solitaire luck to five days running.
Isn't three suppose to be limit?
Unless five is the new three?
Return of the Evil Witch
The employee nearly forgot her days as the evil witch of Free State.
The employee shuddered at that thought.
It all comes creeping back to her now of the terror she used to struck when she was working in the factory. The employee is a perfectionist to the point of being an absolute pain. She could not tolerate errors, from herself in particular. To minimise errors, she would painstakingly spend hours just sitting at her desk to do menial tasks like deciding on fabrics, deciding and matching thread colours, and specifying obvious instructions like buttons, rivets, zipper etc. etc.. She did not trust anyone else to make the decisions for her. She TRIES to be fair. If something that she instructs goes wrong, she cannot blame anyone else but herself. Thus for the amount of time and effort she puts into, she is unforgiving to errors. Especially stupid ones.
But one would think that with every possible detail spoon-fed to the people, the odds of errors occuring would be insignificant. But, as the witch always tell the factory, seeing any samples is like receiving a Christmas present. She never knows what to expect. Surprise surprise people! It is the spirit of giving every day of the year.
Thanks but no thanks.
The employee likes Christmas once a year, thank you very much.
As much as the witch is meticulous about her work execution, she has this CRAZY ability to spot errors in a glance. Lil' Missy used to be petrified of the witch's inane eye for errors - especially IF she had just returned to office from some business engagements. The employee would walk to her desk, look at the samples sitting on her desk and hell raises over. For some strange reasons, she could remember obscure things like belt loop size, thread colours, fabric colours, fabric type/look, the wash.... almost everything. And so, it did not take her 30 seconds to see what had gone wrong in a sample and worst of all, in bulk production. All she needed to do was to take a walk round the production floor and she would instinctively know when something was wrong (and hell raises over).
Of course, in simple terms, one could conclude that the witch is just a control freak, domineering and high handed. The witch was certain that in the process of implementing systems that didn't exist and inducing high-handed control, she had incurred the wrath of many which resulted in multiple complains no doubt. But IF being a witch and bitch combined was what the employee needed to do to ensure delivering to customers what had been promised, then so be it. Pride is a dangerous thing. If anything, the witch has shit loads of pride. A promise IS a promise. Whatever she promises her customers, she ensures to deliver that promise. So if for whatever reason she falls short of fulfilling that promise, don't even come within one mile radius of her. No further elaboration required.
So yes.
The evil witch of Free State has pretty much returned.
Perhaps she has claimed Gauteng to her name as well.
She is quite happy to give up this title, anytime anyday.
That is IF anyone even wants that broomstick.
God have mercy on this poor witch before she burns and rots in living hell.
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