A month on....

So May was a crazy month for me. The last I remember my life came crashing was in year 2000, my final year at university. That was a good 9 years ago and it was at that very moment that I made the conscious choice to shut my emotions down and took on the persona of Miss Croft. That was the time when hermit-hood surfaced and avoidance of human-contact (apart from couple of good friends) became an art on its own.

And nine years on, after six months of going through an exciting and empowering experience with 19 other incredible people.... metamorphosising from being Miss Croft to Miss Gull... one month on from the last leg of our final journey, I could slowly but surely feel Miss Croft creeping back in as the feathers on my "wings" started falling off. Miss Croft's best friends, Miss Cynical and Miss Distrust, came back for a visit and started becoming permanent residence in her home. But the difference this time is, Miss Croft self-beliefs have wavered. She lost her point and purpose for what the last 6 months was about. All she could hear was the insulting voices playing in her head over and over again, and like a gull with chains on its feet, Miss Croft was neither Croft nor Gull. She became her own prisoner. The only thing she knew, she had to get out of this rut soon. Pronto.

Some things never change. It is a battle of rut-fighting alone. But it was always Miss Croft's choice. Her choice of support will always be.... sit down, have a cup of coffee and just chat. Getting out of the rut is not difficult for Miss Croft but the conscious effort of including humans in her rut-fighting... that's a tough one. Miss Croft hates thinking. Miss Croft loves to be in action and doing things that makes her happy..... with no regards for what the consequences may be. Yes. Miss Croft loves recklessness and hates structures.... and so nine years on, Miss Croft has once again got to choose. Choosing to pick herself up from a bad fall and choosing Gull over Croft. The battle of Miss Croft vs Dr Gull! Haha.

When Miss Croft meets Dr Gull
So round about 2 weeks back, after not so much consideration and resistance, both Miss Croft and Miss Gull suddenly bounced right out and decided it was time to throw out the rubbish in her life, move on and do something different... something re-newed. So Miss Croft finally made a firm decision on quitting her job, got intended on her own plans and Dr Gull thought, "Perhaps it is time to staff Advance". Both Miss Croft and Dr Gull misses being part of the experience of simple giving, loving and caring. That simple yet intense experience.... If that is in our term "PLPS", then I accept. And for once, I had to admit to myself that perhaps I need this for myself too.

And just as I thought of calling a certain Mdm K to state my intention for staffing Advance, my phone rang. "Are you intending to staff the next Advance?"

The decision was sealed there and then.
It was meant to be.

"Yes, I am intending to staff the next Advance. I was just thinking of calling you... "

And that is when Miss Croft met Miss Gull.

So the question of the month is:
"How does your Miss Croft look like?"

Miss Crofty-Gull is always looking for answers.
She is always asking questions.... both logical and illogical questions.
Some may say she is looking for the right answer.
But she says, she is only looking for answers.
No right.
No wrong.
Just answers.

She loves hearing what others have to say.
She loves hearing what others are going through.
Seek and you shall find?
Finding strength through others,
Isn't that what makes life... life?