I've recently become a golf addict.
I proclaim myself an absolute golf-cheat.
I use offset clubs and my latest putter acquisition has a line marking to guide dummies like me.
So now... officially.... I have my complete cheater's golf set.
But who cares?
I've got a new toy... AGAIN!
Chooey's New Putter
Gone are the days where Spider Solitaire determined the joy of my miserable days.
Passe.
The NEW in-thing : Hitting balls (not those balls - though I wish - GOLF BALLS) at the driving range to determine my daily moods.
I haven't been doing too bad - like... FINALLY?!?!?! I'm impressed by my own improvements. No more skipping balls that frolicks with each other at 50 metres and laughing itselves silly at the lousy golfer. Spaghetti arms have amazingly strengthened and I quote, "Your improvement is astounding! Remember when you first came here to learn and how your spaghetti arms used to flap all over, and you looked like you were going to hit yourself all over?"
And I HAVE to say this, I HAVE TO SAY THIS.... THAT SOUND that comes off the clubs when one hits a good shot... ORGASM! Consecutive good shots? MULTIPLE ORGASMS!
However, I'm frustratingly stagnant at consistent 100 metres with 7-iron. And so the instructor says, "I want you to do 110 metres with this!" And yah.... OK guys, remember. Girl. Char bor. Nu Ren. Senora. Senorita. We don't hit 160-180 metres with a 7-iron the way you guys do. That's why Mens tee? Ladies tee? Duh....
My 5-wood is also at 100 metres.
Is 100 my new lucky number?
The instructor says I'm definitely ready for the golf course. I am bursting with joy... and ok, ok, pride too. Didn't think I'll ever accomplish learning this infuriating game called golf. Another lesson on chipping and putting and woohoo! GOLF COURSE! GOLF COURSE!
I am so confident of my game that I am sure my first official game on the golf course would be so shockingly bad that the Marshall will say to me, "Please stop digging holes to hide your head in. Go to the ostrich farms."
We'll see... we'll see....
The jam on the N1 has gotten so bad these days, I have given up making the effort use the driving range in Pretoria where I learn golf. I just love how people gasp and gape when I tell them I go to Pretoria to use the driving range. You should check out their retarded expressions! *gasp* "You mean you drive all the way here from Johannesburg?" *gasp gasp*
So Johannesburg and Pretoria are 2 different cities. Big deal. Ok ignorant fools.... THINK!
And count if you can actually do Maths.
I live NORTH of Johannesburg.
NOoorrrrtttthhhhhhhh.
Morningside/Woodmead/Rivonia.. blaaahhhhh
If you look at the map, that is the NORTHERN-most of the N1/M1 Johannesburg route.
And thereafter, Allandale, Midrand, PRETORIA.
So.... pathetic ignorant people, motorway is 5 minutes drive from my home.
From my home to the driving range is about 35 km away.
Driving at a modest 140 km per hour, maths say 25 minutes.
So ok, take it as half an hour.
What's half an hour?
It takes me about half hour to get to the Southern-tip of Johannesburg EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY when I've got to go meet the customers!
But you see, this is how human brains work.
Crown mines is at the south-Johannesburg.
So even though it takes the same amount of time for me to get there, it is okay because it is part of Johannesburg. But when I mention Pretoria... I get the biggest gasp and NNOOOOOO like I've just committed the biggest murder in history.
Besides.... petrol is paid for. Ha!
Anyway, it is becoming a drag driving on the N1 (and the M1). The traffic of Johannesburg gets worse each day! It seems like the only time one can actually travel is between 9:30 am and 11 am. The last few times I attempted to drive at 2 pm, errrr.... u-turn u-turn go home. Bad mistake. 2 km away from the turn-off to my home, it took me half an hour. Shoot my fats!
So I decided to go on a driving range hunt.
I served the net and came across this one... VODACOM WORLD OF GOLF.
Hmm... corner of Woomeads Drive and Maxwell Road (not the one in Singapore! And not the market!). Hey! That's like 5 minutes from my home! And the best part is, it is a GOOORRRGGEEEOOUUUSSSS place for practising golf. AND... it is CHEAP!
Membership Folder Picture... THE PLACE LOOKS JUST LIKE THAT! Gloriously Beautiful!
Standard Membership Joining Fees : ZAR999.00 (=SIN$250)
Monthly Membership Fees : ZAR269.00 (=SIN$68.00)
This includes :
- Unlimited usage of balls
- Monthly 'Golf Digest' magazine
- Use of all practise areas EXCEPT the grass range (to use the grass range, top up with abt R50.00 per month)
- Golf improvement workshops
- 1 free lesson with pro
- No contract, 1 month advance notice for membership cancellation
- Account freeze between 3-6 months
The place is beeeaaauuutttiiiifffuuulllll and very very well-maintained. It has been designed as "South Africa's first golf theme park" (Read article below) and I'm godsmacked. I fell in love with this place the moment I got there. So this has now become my latest playground! YAY!
Article from 'Golf Digest' October 2004 (Click for bigger image)
For more information, visit their website at VODACOM WORLD OF GOLF
So yeah, Chooey's happy.
She's got her new toy and her new playground.
Goodbye Spider Solitaire.
Hellooooooooo World of Golf!
No comments:
Post a Comment